Saturday, 23 May 2009
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Happy Birthday
Dear Lee,
Well, I made it through last weekend in one piece. Traditionally, you and I have always spent the May long weekend together, celebrating your birthday. Last year, was the first time in a long time that we missed it. And it was your 40th!
Damn cancer.
And damn it to hell and back for making this year's celebration obsolete.
*sigh*
I missed you. Well, I miss you pretty much daily, but not having you around last weekend pretty much sucked ass. I remembered our last birthday weekend together ... total girly trip! Pedicures and manicures, lazy lunches at whatever place we could find with a patio ... remember that one place we found? The patio looked like it was straight out of somebody's run-down cottage - complete with the wobbly, bird shit stained picnic table. But it was perfect! And the waitress kicked ass. I wonder if she's ever been asked to 'bring anything on the menu that resembles PMS food' again? Ha! She loved us (and our cool flashy pedicures!).
And of course, there was the requisite shopping. I giggled, watching you buy stuff that you'd always hated until I converted you into a pajama loving, toe ring collecting, diet Pepsi drinking chick. Gave me a laugh. You're such a stubborn wench. Changing your mind in any way, shape or form always gives me a rush. Ha! Love it.
When I go out shopping now, it never fails that I'll see something that you would like. Something for your place, like those big chunky candle holders that we searched high and low for, and are now all over the freakin' place. Shoes, a cool nail polish or lipstick, anything african ... and I think "Lee would like that" and then remember. Ugh.
Every single day, there are so many things I wish I could talk to you about. Seriously, I can't remember going a single day without talking to you, whether it was for hours or just a few minutes. Major, important stuff or some trivial little thing. Idol will be on TV and it's strange not to hear my phone ring, with you yelling "OMG did you SEE THAT?" or any number of other crap things on TV that we'd laugh or talk about. And as for the computer ... well, that's just weird. No IM's popping up every few minutes from you, no game chick running around trying to kill my game peoples ... hell, I don't even have my webcam hooked up anymore. Remember the time you helped me pack for Mexico on the webcam? Hilarious.
For living four hours away from each other, I don't think there's a single person I shared more with on a daily basis.
Oh, and speaking of computers, I deleted your facebook account. I left it alone for the longest time, but then I just had to shut it down. Your face kept popping up everywhere, challenging me to games and whatnot. Send this gift to LeeAnn! Yeah, if only I could. So ... off it went into cyberspace.
There's sooooo much to tell you. Good and bad. But I'm just going to go with the belief that you're around somewhere, knowing everything anyways. I have a feeling you'd be proud of me these days. I know for sure that you would've wanted to kick my ass awhile ago. What can I tell ya? I dropped the ball, girlfriend. Not so surprising though, is it? The way I dropped it? Well that's pretty pathetic. But I just didn't give a shit anymore. I got tired.
Anywaaaaaaysss ...
So have you seen Mom around anywhere?
*sigh*
It was never supposed to be this way. We were supposed to grow old together. We were supposed to wear purple, and big bright funky red hats and travel all over the place. We were supposed to bitch about arthritis and bowel movements and all that old age stuff. You were supposed to have more cats and wear the Crazy Cat Lady crown.
I miss you. Every single day, I miss you. More than I can say. More than should be possible.
But ... I'm okay.
Happy Birthday to you, my oldest, dearest friend. Sister of my heart. I hope you're up there somewhere having a shot of tequila and a huge piece of cake, knowing that you are loved and remembered. Always ... all ways
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Comments (7)
Hugs Janice!
Nice to know you are moving forward. It's tough to do huh...and it's such a wierd experience this death thing. I didn't know her as well as you, but i was very grateful to have the time I did have with her, and the opportunity to know her heart. I saw Debbie and Trevor today, they seem to be doing ok...Granny wanted to have a birthday party for Lee-Ann...Trevor was not of the same opinion..:) I'm sure it's toughest on him, they bought some land, in Whitefish...well not just some land...a whole square mile I think...just across the road from them...it goes way back into the mountains and to the river behind it...they are going to build a new home, then Debbie will have her ensuite..lol...Lee would be pleased with their choice..
Take care girl!
Huh. Reminded me of my favorite book, The Anna Papers. This girl was on a flight from Oklahoma to South Carolina for her aunt's funeral, and she started to cry. The flight attendant sat next to her and said, "At least you had an aunt to cry over. My aunt was such a bitch no one cared when she died." I feel so sad for you. But then, I feel jealous because I never had that kind of friend. Take it easy k?
A birthday party??!! OMG. Poor Granny. LOL ... old bird :)
Yeah, Sher was telling me about the land. I think she said they bought it from her brother, but she didn't know what they planned to do with it.
Wow! I wonder how they managed to swing that?
Thanks Amy.
And yes, my head is in the right place - realizing what a gift it was.
Lookit me, getting all grown up ;)
I just love you, Janice. I'm a little wistful that I never had that kind of friendship with anyone --- the women I thought were my Lee's were nothin gof the sort, and I still feel the stab of the knives in my back sometimes.
Love you
** Hugs ** Thanks for the tears... But I'm so glad you're able to write these things.
This is such a beautiful tribute to a real friend. You're so beautiful, inside and out.